Finding out that you’re pregnant is, for most, a happy time of celebration. However, it can be a discovery that provokes a whole range of different emotions. Here’s my story…
The mixed feelings of excitement and anxiety when you first see those 2 blue lines…
Background
Seeing those 2 blue lines that indicate a positive test appear is a momentous moment like no other, filled with so much raw emotion. For most people it is an overwhelmingly positive time, but not always for everyone. I know that each of my 5 positive test results have brought about a whole range of different responses in me. I think it is fair to say that everyone is different and there is no such thing as ‘normal’. I hope that by sharing some of my ups and downs, I may be able to provide some reassurance to anyone else experiencing similar. So, here’s my story…
Pregnancy 1
After trying to get pregnant for a while, we were actually just about to start our first round of IVF. Then we fell pregnant. Now I’m not saying for sure that this is the reason, but I had just started acupuncture (by this point I was willing to give anything a go). I knew before doing a test that I was pregnant, as I’d been carefully charting my temperature. These are two of the great natural ways to get pregnant.
I ran to the shop one morning before work to buy a test. When I saw the result I was still surprised and unbelievably happy, as you can imagine. 9 months later I gave birth to my first daughter, Savannah.
Pregnancy 2
As is often the case, after one baby my body seemed to have reset itself after years of contraception (I definitely didn’t want to fall pregnant in my 20s – too much of the world to see). I fell pregnant so easily without trying and so, less than a year after having Savannah, I was pregnant again. Like before I was tracking my temperature, so I was not surprised by the positive test. Again, I was so excited, especially after the troubles we had with falling pregnant with our first. Sadly though, this pregnancy wasn’t to be. I found out that I had a high chance of a Downs Syndrome pregnancy following the standard 12 weeks scan.
I had an excruciatingly long wait following a private test. This unfortunately came back as positive for Down’s Syndrome, with a subsequent amniocentesis confirming this (necessary before a possible termination could happen). I know that people have different opinions on this and the same answer is not right for everyone. For us, we wanted to ensure we had a baby that we could give the best start in life to and was free of difficult genetic complications, so we opted for the termination. Our decision was also made with concern for the potential impact on our first child. Having a sibling with a challenging disability would have inevitably affected everyone in the family.
Of course, not everyone even gets this choice. Many suffer complications and miscarriage that are completely out of their control. In rare extreme cases, a failed molar pregnancy can even lead to cancer. These sort of things come as a stark reminder that, for many, pregnancy is not the joyous celebration that it should be. It can also bring with it unforeseen and tragic consequences.
Pregnancy 3
After the trauma and loss of our second pregnancy, to find out I was pregnant again a few months later was amazing. Nothing could replace the missed pregnancy or gloss over our loss, but having this to focus on certainly did help us with moving forward. I was lucky to give birth to another perfect little daughter, Aurora.
Pregnancy 4
Almost immediately on giving birth to Aurora, I announced that we would have a third. It’s true that I secretly wanted a boy, but would also have been happy with either, as either way I definitely wanted more children anyway. So we started trying for a third as soon as we could.
By a crazy coincidence (and also a bit of planning), all three children have their birthday in the same week in October. Half term week is the perfect timing for me personally as a teacher. It means I can have the maximum maternity leave pay, with minimal work needed in the run up to taking mat leave, as the first few weeks of term before mat leave isn’t long enough to be given any classes. This has allowed me to have effectively had over a year off each time, but with only having to take 10 months of mat leave.
I was so pleased that when the third positive test was confirmed, that I had the same sort of due date as the first 2.
As soon as Easton, our third, was born and I knew he was a boy. I shouted, “that’s it, I’m done!”
Pregnancy 5
Having said, “I’m done”, it was only a few months before I was thinking, “am I really done??” Though at the same time I was also thinking “this is a crazy idea, do I want more sleepless nights, do I want to have to change my car?, etc…” So on a rare date night in October, out in Porto while visiting grandparents watched the kids, we debated and made the decision that in reality it wasn’t a good idea and we’d stop at 3.
Little did I know that this decision had already been made for me. I was pregnant already.
When I found out a couple of weeks later I was both surprised and more than a little freaked out. Wtf were we thinking!
What would we do for jobs, money, a place to live etc…
For more on how I was feeling at this time, have a look at my experience of finding out you’re pregnant while abroad.
Summary
Each pregnancy is always different and each positive test result brings with it a new set of unique emotions. Noone has the right answers for how you should feel. Everybody’s personal circumstances will be different. I hope that for most the discovery becomes a positive experience in the end. There’s no doubt that children change your life, thankfully mostly part for the better. We wouldn’t be without all of ours, even when they do drive us crazy!
So, here we are. On lock-down in Spain, 39 weeks pregnant and now planning to have the baby here. Any day now. What a crazy year we now have ahead of us!
Be sure to follow our adventures…
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Oh hope everything goes well! I know how you mean with the mixed emotions. #KCACOLS
Oh wow I hope everything goes well for you 🙂 #kcacols
Wow, what a story! I didn’t know you had another baby in between Savannah and Aurora. I had the same issue with my second daughter. There was a high probability she could have Down Syndrome. We did the tests and thankfully it turned out she was fine and when she was born we confirmed she healthy and with no problems but it was a very stressful pregnancy. How exciting that soon you will meet your new baby. Good luck! Thanks for sharing your story with us at #kcacols 🙂 x