Ever wondered what life would be like with 4 children to look after? I share my experiences, following my first 6 weeks of having to do just that
“That’s it, I’m done… I am definitely never doing this again!”
That was me, immediately following the birth of my 3rd child. However, as I’m sure you can guess from the title of this article, it seems sometimes even the best made plans are there to be broken. My baby story wouldn’t end there…
Background
It’s honestly not something I thought I’d ever be referring to myself as, a ‘Mum of 4’. Don’t get me wrong, I’d always wanted children but, if ever asked how many, I would casually reply “2, maybe 3” (oh, I was so blissfully unaware of what it’s really like to have to look after 3 children!). Any more always seemed like too many – after all, you couldn’t even fit them all in a normal car. After having 2 girls, I was keen to push it to one more. When the third was a boy, that was it. I’d completed the set.
As time went by though, my brain started to think, “could I manage one more?”, “am I really done with babies forever?”. Madness, I know. There are always so many emotions to finding out you’re pregnant. Was I ready to give that up forever? This niggling feeling led to a certain degree of carelessness. Even so, I was still genuinely very surprised when I found out I had a 4th baby on the way. This was made even stranger by finding out I was pregnant while away travelling for a year, with my husband and 3 children, living in a motorhome. It’s fair to say that, at first, my anxiety was through the roof!
Fast forward 9 months and we found ourselves ‘grounded’ in Spain due to the Covid-19 lockdown. This meant I was to experience giving birth abroad in a Spanish hospital, adding to the overall feeling of strangeness. The whole pregnancy and birth of baby number 4 had been unlike any of my other 3. Gratefully, my 2nd little boy (and 4th child), Tiago, was born safe and sound. Although having children close together can be amazing, I’ve no doubt that the real craziness is still yet to begin! Here are some of my thoughts and observations so far on what it is like to be a Mum of 4…
#1 Babies Come in all Sizes
Crucially, they can get bigger. My 4th baby was my largest of them all, weighing in at an impressive 9lb 1oz (or 4.1kg). This maybe won’t break any records but it felt big enough! So big in fact, that he got ‘stuck’ on the way out, breaking a collar bone in the process. It also meant that when he did finally make it out, he was lifeless and completely blue, making for a scary couple of minutes waiting for him to be revived. Fortunately, all was well. I’m grateful that at his size, he wasn’t my first baby!
Personally, despite his size, I was still grateful that I was able to give birth naturally to all of my babies. I know that Cesarean Sections have obvious advantages, but also come with long recoveries. I’ve always liked being able to be up and about (and back home again) pretty much straight away after giving birth. For more on Cesarean recovery, take a look at this article comparing emergency vs elected Cesarean recovery times.
#2 You’ve Learned What Stuff You Really Need
In the run-up to the birth of our first child, I had everything ready and waiting in the nursery at home. I mean everything. I had all the paraphernalia for both breast and bottle feeding – pumps and sterilisers and bottles and bags, wardrobes full of clothes, toys, gadgets, etc. etc. Now, by baby number 4, I’ve come to realise that I can manage fine without a lot of that clutter. I know I can breast feed fine so that immediately gets rid of loads of stuff. I won’t be expressing either, as I simply don’t have the time to sit around doing it with 3 others demanding my attention. So that’s more gone. Babies don’t need toys and we’re in Spain in summer, so not many clothes needed either. In any case, as our future plans are to get back to living in our van for more adventures, we wouldn’t have space for it all even if we wanted it. It actually feels very refreshing to be able to rid yourself of so much unnecessary ‘stuff’.
#3 FOMO Gets Worse
I’ve always been terrible for having a fear of missing out (FOMO) on things. Whenever I’m somewhere with a 24hr lifestyle (like in the past at Glastonbury Festival), I never want to sleep because I know that something good will be happening somewhere, without me. With children, this feeling manifests in me to always thinking I’m not paying enough attention or taking enough photos for each stage of development. Inevitably, having more children means less time to dedicate just to a baby on their own. Time seems to go so fast as well. I keep panicking and rushing to take more photos all the time, but still worry I’m missing him growing up – at 6 weeks old he already seems like a different child to the little newborn I brought home from hospital.
#4 Weight Not Bouncing Back
I used to joke that breast feeding my first baby was like liposuction – it was almost like she was sucking the excess fat out of me. Not so by the 4th. Of course, gaining extra weight during pregnancy is perfectly natural and I am not looking to shame anyone who finds they have put on a little. Far from it. Indeed, I know there are some people who won’t even have any desire to bounce back to their pre-birth weight or body shape. Just be aware though, with each extra child, that ‘baby weight’ seems to get harder and harder to shift!
#5 Tolerance to Crying
When Tiago, my new 4th child, was born, he had the cord around his neck. This combined with a stressful birth due to his size, meant he came out blue and lifeless. The time spent waiting for that first little cry felt like an eternity. When I heard it at last, it was the best sound in the entire world. That is the only time when this is the case. Never again will it seem a pleasurable sound. Despite an increased tolerance in some ways to the actual sound of the crying (it is still heart wrenching though!), the sound of it now signals to me that my already fully occupied 2 hands will have to incorporate a baby as well. It can be tough juggling all the kids at once!
#6 Having 3 Children is Easier than 4
Likewise, 3 is easier than 2 and 2 easier than 1. Obvious really, but I can confirm that it is true. Especially it seems when it comes to what should be simple life tasks, like going shopping. I’m not sure if there’s ever an upper limit, where having one more child ceases to make life harder. That’s not an experiment I’m willing to take on to find out. Nowadays, if ever I’m out with only 1 or 2 of them, I feel virtually childless. It’s funny how perception changes.
#7 Fewer Surprises
Having a first child is perhaps the ultimate of all shocks to the system. There’s nothing quite like it for changing your entire life overnight. Life seems full of endless surprises (good and bad). By number 4, you pretty much know what to expect. That’s not to say it gets any less magical. It’s just that your life carries on largely the same as before, just with another baby to look after – using basically the same techniques that you’ve honed with each of the others. In this regard, each new baby individually actually gets easier to look after. It’s just when you put them all together that the fun really begins!
#8 Dads/Partners are Invaluable
I honestly don’t think I could do it on my own. I’m not sure how I could ever find the time for them all. This is especially true in my current situation of living abroad with no other help or childcare. It’s 24/7 for me at present. Maximum respect to a lot of the single parents out there- you have a tough job.
#9 Acceptance of Not Sleeping
Don’t get me wrong, I still suffer and feel like death after a testing night of being woken up and disturbed all night. It’s just that oddly, because this has become so routine, I have almost learned to accept it and treat it as the new normal. In some ways, I’m guessing maybe a pre-child life of travel, parties and different time zones must have hardened me well for this eventuality. I like to think so. I honestly almost can’t remember what it feels like to sleep a whole night undisturbed!
#10 We Need a Bigger Car
As I said right at the start, one reason why having 4 children is not necessarily a good idea, is that it means you need a bigger car. However, having spectacularly failed to heed my own very sensible advice, I know find myself in this exact position. So, if and when we ever make it back to the UK for good, we are going to need that bigger car. Gone are the care-free days of driving a 2 seat convertible. My next car will likely look like something closer to a minibus.
In Summary
After my first 6 weeks of being a Mum of 4, I have to say that, overall, having 4 children makes me feel very lucky. Now that I have them, I of course would never have it any other way. That’s not to say that they don’t come with their own unique challenges as well, every single day. I try not to think about the fact that, as time goes by and the older they all get, things will likely get even crazier still. That fun is all still to come.
Since having my 4th (and final) child, oddly I keep coming across people who have 5. So, that then gets me thinking… 5? Maybe 5? No, no, no… step away. I love all mine to bits but definitely no more. I Think I’ll stick with being a very happy (but at the same time, eternally tested) Mum of 4.
The FOMO is in part I think because you know it doesn’t last – you know the time flies by so you know you will be missing out if you miss out. As for the weight, I think that’s also probably age. As you get older, it gets harder to shift cos your metabolism also changes….but it still shifts nonetheless. Just takes longer. #KCACOLS
I struggle to cope with one child so you are a hero to me! I’d love to have at least one more child and I am so envious of your decision to travel. Your children will have the most amazing upbringing. I’m too much of a worrier to go without ‘stuff’. Being prepared makes me calm although I do have days where I want to give up all my earthly possessions and live in the moment!
Katrina x
#KCACOLS
I’m jealous! but sleep is also nice…
Also #kcacols!
I can only imagine what life is like as a mum of four. I’m sure whilst you getting your feet with the new addition it will take some time to adjust. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next time